In which I bleed profusely

First a little background, I work at a nursing home as a dietary aid. And now, the retelling of my crazy day begins...

I'm at work and there was a fried dough fundraiser that we had to prepare for as well as our normal duties. So I'm trying to stretch out pieces of dough, it's not going well at all, and I'm getting a little frustrated. Not unusual for me. But then I was getting good, and we needed more balls of dough, so I get the dough out of the little bag and as I'm going to cut it, I get my finger too. I had gloves on, and that combined with flour being everywhere, I couldn't really feel anything, like where my hand/fingers were. The knife went right through my glove and I started bleeding profusely. All I did was say "I just cut myself" and off I was to the sink. As I'm making my way over, my hand is now covered in blood and it's dripping down my arm. Tina (another aid) and Jeff (a cook) saw me coming and they are like 'oh shit'. Tina started steering me to the sink because my face obviously revealed my sense of "where am I going? where is the sink?!" I started walking towards the dishroom because that was the only sink I remembered. XD But then Jeff starts waddling in my path to the sink and I shouted at him "get the fuck out of my way. I'm sorry, but get the fuck out of my way." I started washing it and it hurt like fuck. I hadn't seen the wound, I was too busy trying to get to the sink, so I hadn't seen that the wound was a flap of skin. In fact, I hadn't seen it until a bit later.

 When I got it washed off best I could (which really had no  point because it wouldn't stop bleeding) Tina grabbed me a paper towel, I wrapped my finger and we went out the doors to find a nurse. At the time I was just thinking "oh my god, where do I go? Where is the nurses office? Who mends this sort of thing?" totally forgetting that I work in a nursing home full of nurses. But we found Don, one of my favourite nurses and he took me into the bad room with all the supplies and shit and we finally got a look at it. The angle my finger was at actually helped me I think. If my finger hadn't been angled, it probably would have gone very close to the bone. Instead it just got the pad part. Don said that there is a small chance I will need stitches (we had a hard time keeping it blood free long enough to get a good look at it) he put ointment on it, two band aids and I went back to the kitchen (right when I got back the fire alarm went off <_<). I didn't have anytime to just sit and breath, I went straight onto the line and that is about an hour or so. The whole time I'm just getting more and more queasy and panic-y. I even snapped at Jeff who was being a smart ass. I had no patience. I just wanted the line done and over with so I could go sit in my car, breakdown, and collect myself. 

Once done, I cleaned up as fast as I could and went to go to my car, but I was informed that we aren't allowed to anymore. Why I don't freaking know, but that made me even more on the edge. I went to the back towards the fridge to try and ask Rosanne where I could go, and the second I tried to talk, I broke into tears. I went into Cathy's office as Rosanne said and within a minute the whole damn kitchen staff was in her office. Like...I came in here to have a private moment, if I wanted all of you to see me, I would have stayed in the kitchen. So anyway, Cathy comes in and tells me to go home (once I explained why I was crying in the first place) and I was reluctant. I didn't want to leave them short. I knew that once my little breakdown was over, I could compose myself and keep working, but Cathy said "people have gone home for less. GO HOME. If there were a reason to go, you have it" so I went home. Half the drive I was still crying. So I got home, texted people, called Lexx to ask about first aid stuff and that's about it. I have stopped bleeding finally and I don't think I need stitches. And now I'm just sitting here, practising for open mic tonight.

The show must go on.

Yes, I'm still alive!

I haven't really been posting much of anything lately, so I thought I'd drop in and let you know I'm still alive. Doing well actually. I finally got a job thanks entirely to my neighbour, I got my license, a car and a digital piano. The album is coming along in a slightly different direction than at first, but that's ok.

I've also updated the upcoming gigs. I am playing every Friday night at LaSalle Market and Deli open mic. Just click the Gigs tab to get more info. :)

Sentimental mushy goo, because that's the only setting I have

I've wanted to be a musician since I was 15. I've played music all my life, but it wasn't until 15 that I decided that it's what I was going to do. It wasn't a "I'm meant to do this" thing, it was more of a realization that my grades sucked and I knew I didn't want to go to college, so I saw it as "the only road I have" and I just lucked out that it was something I enjoy.

There is a long list of things I want to do in my life, and music (for a very long time) was just one of the many. Another is acting. In a desperate scheme to get myself some freedom (that's another post altogether), I decided to go to a drama school out of state. College. That was maybe a year or two (probably closer to two) that I decided to do that. As fate, and lack of money, would have it, I never got the chance to go. Last year, something just clicked, and realized that I wanted to make music more than I wanted to act, and waaaaaay more than I wanted to go to college. It's like that saying about flipping a coin. "When you have to make a hard decision, flip a coin. Because when that coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you're hoping for."

That's when I started recording my album. Originally I'd planned on waiting until I was done with college, but finding myself with a little over a year of mostly-free time on my hands, I went ahead and started recording. As I added drums and bass to Playground on a Minefield, I felt a euphoria. As I started to complete other songs with care, and not the reckless abandon I'd done the demos with, the euphoria grew. Finally, I could hear the songs in the air, not just in my head. And they sounded damn good, and there's a reason for that.

Somewhat recently, I'd been introduced to two artist's music, both of which have taught me quite a bit about songwriting and what it means to be a decent human being. Those artists are LIGHTS and Justin Nozuka. Because of their help (even though they don't know they have helped me) my songwriting grew exponentially better and now I have songs that I am actually proud of instead of the "experimental" mumbo jumbo I'd toted around before. Seriously, I don't even know what I was thinking with that crap. O_O

So I've scraped pretty much half of the track list I'd envisioned for my album and now am writing up a storm of new songs as well as mending the ones I feel are worth saving. All in all, the album is becoming something that I am proud to put my name on. Five years after thinking that this was the only road I could go down, I'm starting to see that it isn't for the reasons I first thought, but because it's the one I'm meant to go down. Everything else is just sightseeing. 

I'm officially licensed to drive!

I went in for my road test appointment today and what do ya know, I passed! I was more nervous the night before and the moments leading up to the test than I was during the actual test. I think it's just because I was so focused on not fucking up.

I should probably disclose, I barely passed. If I'd gotten one more X, I would have failed. The things I fudged up on was  the fact that I didn't signal before turning into a parking spot, which honestly I've never seen anyone do in my life. The other thing was stopping beyond the stop line once. Once. But hey, I still passed.

I'll admit, I'm a little surprised, considering that I hadn't even been practising for a month. Add up all my practise days and you'll get somewhere around 3 weeks, if that. Then factor in my inability to quickly and accurately tell left from right (thanks dyslexia), I was pretty nervous. And did I mention I had to wake up at 6:45? And no music during the test either. That bummed me out big time, but oh well.

When we got back to the DMV, dad was talking to another parent whose kid was out taking the test. Apparently, that guy's kid had taken all sorts of driving school classes and had even failed the test three times, and here I am, passing it on my first go. I'll admit, I feel pretty good. The kid finally passed, by the way.

My picture actually isn't bad. Which I'm most surprised at, considering I'm not photogenic at all. 

Mixing up the recording process (no pun intended)

So far, my process has been to record one instrument at a time. Now, that was great at first, when virtually nothing of the song had been done, so there wasn't much for me to work off of, but now it's starting to become a negative thing. I find myself losing track of things that I wanted to do and what I wanted something to sound like only because when I had the idea, I was on a different instrument and forced myself to wait.

I've never made an album before, only shitty demos (some of which can be heard to the right of this post), so this is a huge learning process for me. I've decided that instead of recording one instrument at a time, I'm going to work on one song at a time. You may be asking yourself what the experienced and established musicians do, and I'll tell you. Both. It depends entirely on the artist.

Which is partly why I decided to change gears here. Hopefully I'll be able to better keep track of my artistic vision (as corny as that sounds) and the recording flow will be a lot smoother and less "shit...what do I still have left for this instrument? Did I finish that one song's [insert instrument here]?"

So there it is. The quick album update. Not much else to say except have a wonderful day. Or night. Wonderful life, really. 

By any other name

The past few months I've been having a bit of an identity crisis. Trying to figure out just who I am in this topsy turvy world and where I fit, and what I am called. The last bit has been giving me the most trouble. I've gone back and forth between two names but I think I've finally decided on one. Ember.

I have never liked my first name. Even as a small child I didn't like it and wanted a different one, but when anyone asked what I wanted, I had no idea. The idea finally hit me that I can change my name to whatever the heck I want, so why not get rid of the name I never felt fit me? First I had decided on Ivy. Ivey is my dad's middle name, and although he doesn't care for it, I do. But after much consideration I didn't feel like that fit who I wanted to be or even who I am now.

After scouring multiple baby name sites and reading up on Wiccan names, I came across the name Ember after a 'nature names' Google search. It's been growing on me and just seems to fit me pretty well. I love saying it and getting all the mental pictures associated with it. Your name is one of the first things people associate you with, especially in the digital world, so it should be something you like and feel fits you. So now, my name is Ember Leuchtturm, and I love it.

First snow of Winter 2012-13

I'm a snow lover, despite growing up in a swamp in Florida. Thankfully, now I live in the North East and snow is abundant. I love when it falls, I love to be in it, I love to shovel it and I love to walk in it. So today, after the wintry mix of snow and rain stopped (because no one likes walking in a mix) I went to Birge to get a few pictures. And here they are.

I wanted to get more from the trails, but there was too much snow to do so safely. Maybe next time.

Also, I now have a deviantART account here. I put my favourite photos on it.

Why I love Avatar The Last Airbender (and Legend of Korra)

~WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD~

I don't like to claim favourites, but I have to say that Avatar The Last Airbender is my favourite show. It has been since the day it premièred and it holds a very special place in my heart for multiple reasons.

Growing up, I wasn't allowed to have friends. Long story. As a result of that, my only friends were imaginary. Sometimes they were ones I made up, but more often than not, they were cartoon characters that I "hung out" with in my head. Day dreaming and lots of it. I was in 8th grade when Avatar came out and I remember seeing the previews for the series premier and thinking "I HAVE to watch that!" The premier aired and by the time it was done, I was in love. I'm a sucker for earth, air, fire and water. Put those in a show and I'm probably going to like it. The premise for Avatar was just to perfect so me. I loved that it wasn't like X-Men in that they didn't just look at something and it moved. There were actual movements that had to happen. And the best part is that it was all based off of various forms of martial arts. The show itself promoted balance in your life, and among all things, as is common teachings of martial arts. Back then, it resonated with me.

The series went on, and the characters became my new best friends. I didn't really "hang out" with my other "friends" anymore. It was almost always them and I, having adventures together, in my head of course. At the time, I had a subscription to Nickelodeon's magazine and anytime there was an Avatar related article or picture, I'd cut it out and tape it to my wall. One of my favourite articles was one in which the martial arts consultant was interviewed and demonstrated a few moves. That was special because since elementary school I'd wanted to take karate, but wasn't permitted to do so. Avatar re-sparked my desire to learn it. I still wasn't allowed to study it, but that didn't stop me from learning all I could about it. Because of water bending, I gained an interest in tai chi as well.

I even got the first Avatar video game (for PS2) when it came out and have played it at least a dozen times. I re-played a month or so ago, and when I finished, I was looking at the saved games. Whenever I replay any game, I like to keep my first finished game file on the card, just because. I looked at the first finished game and it was dated 2006. I almost couldn't believe it. I'd had the game for just over 6 years. It feels like I've had it for much longer, but I can't think of a number of years that feels right. I love that game as much now as I did when I first got it.

High school started and by sophomore year, I finally had friends. I didn't "hang out" with Team Avatar as much as I had before. By junior year, my love for them had staled into a passive love, like your favourite toy. You always love it, but it has been in your line of sight so long it's not longer translated into thought upon sight, it's just a decoration you've grown used to. Senior year that horrible Avatar movie came out, and I personally wanted to seriously injure M Night Shyamalan. Then, Legend of Korra came out a few years later and I watched, of course. How could I not? It made me sad at first though. Katara is the only one left. These characters that were such a large part of my life and such a positive influence on me, were now dead. And what it must be like in Katara's shoes. The person she loved and spent her life with (and had children with) was reincarnated into someone else that she interacted with quite a bit. He's there, but he's not. I am aware that they were just characters on a cartoon show, but to me, they were always real. I'm still mourning my friends.

After finishing TLoK, I decided to re-watch TLA. It made me happy and sad all at once. It was like when you're watching old home movies you filmed. What you see in front of you is such a vivid memory that you wonder why you haven't made an appearance on the tape yet. Or when you re-read a journal you haven't seen in years. You recall things that you wonder how you forgot in the first place. Seeing Republic City, the product of the end of the first series, got me thinking about the first series' events. The struggles and triumphs of the characters that made them into who they were at the end, and ultimately who built Republic City. In TLoK, you get to see the result of their hard work. Naturally I started to think about the future struggles and triumphs that will one day be my past struggles and triumphs, and wondered who I will be in the end.

Re-watching also reignited my desire to study karate and tai chi. Even though I can't afford lessons, I can bike to the library, and read books and teach myself the kata. They are both hobbies of mine now. I was reminded of how important inner peace and balance is, and now strive to achieve that. Also to control my temper and not let it control me, as part of inner peace and balance. Zuko was always my favourite character and only just now, as I type, did I finally realise why I love him so much.

Avatar has had such a positive influence on my life that I can't help but love it wholeheartedly and thank it's creators, Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. I hope that one day, I can thank you both in person. 

Guest piece number 2

Recently, I wrote another guest piece to The Streets of Whirly. If you are new to my blog and are wondering what exactly The Streets of Whirly is, I'll tell you! It's a wonderful fantasy novel by a good friend of mine, Angela Rodgers. I'm not saying nice things because she is my friend; she's my friend because I have nice things to say. Talk to her. She's nice. ^_^

It is a fantasy, adventure, and mystery story set in the fictional city of Whirly. The story follows Jule, a young woman living on the streets. Here is a teaser from the website:

Jule like so many living on the Whirly’s West Side did what she could to survive, whether it was dodging Sweepers, the police, or people from the old crew. So when a good-money job lands in front of her to steal a necklace from a house on the upper crust East Side, Jule jumps at it, only to be immediately over her head with the ways of wizards and magic. But Jule has trick up her sleeve too: one no one else can see.

I highly recommend you give it a go. Of course I must warn you, it will crawl its way into your heart and make a nest for itself there. But that's a risk well worth taking. ;)

A schedule, at last!

After two, maybe closer to three weeks of preparations, the recording of my first album has begun. Winter Sun has finally been written, and that was the last song I needed to finish the lyrics for. It's guitar has already been recorded and mixed, and it sounds really awesome. I can't wait to share it with you guys. All my songs, obviously.

Because the preparations are done, that means I can work up a rough schedule. I posted this on my Twitter a little while ago: Picture! I know that interruptions and life in general will interrupt me, which is why I think it will take so long. But don't worry, I'll be taking lots of pictures and updating ever so often.

So there it is. In about four and a half months, the album will be ready for post. Then maybe another month for post production and it will be ready to be bought. I'm looking at end of April/early May release. I'll do my best to see it through. :D

A more updatier update

Updatier is now a word. I've added it to my vocabulary so, clearly, it's a word.

Anyway, I've decided that my album is priority right now, not writing a novel in 30 days just to say I did. I no longer believed in my story, and no longer cared about telling the story which led me to believe it wouldn't see the light of day once I logged that final word count. So I've decided not to waste my time anymore. I've got an album to put out!

Another priority is finding a job to pay for, well...everything. The album, a digital piano, various food items and the occasional roof over my head. I can't really job hunt and write and record at the same time. One of these things just doesn't belong.

But I'm all ready to start recording the guitar. I put new strings on my acoustic this afternoon and I'm ready to go! I've even got a sax player, which I'll speak more about when it's the track's turn to be recorded.

Tragedy struck last night. I can't find my favourite pick. Anywhere. I looked for nearly four hours. I'm fairly certain it's gone forever just like it's predecessor. To The Music Shop I go then...

Shows, Novels and New Music, oh myyy!

I'm not really sure what to post about, I'll just do a general update. It's day 10 of NaNoWriMo, which means my mind is dead. Joking! ...mostly. Getting the next 1,667 words gets harder each day. In fact, last night I only got 900 something.

I'm also working on my first album. Trying to divide my creative attention is a little harder than I first thought, but do-able. I just finished writing a new song which will be on the album. I have yet to record it, due to NaNoWriMo stuff, but I already know it will be really awesome. The album should be done sometime mid next year. I've got about a third of the songs recorded, and have about a third yet to finish writing.

And speaking of music, I've been doing Acoustic Open Mic Night at Bare Bones in Bristol, CT. It's a great place. They are a non-profit organization that hosts all sorts of arts and crafts events, classes of all sorts (like drawing, jewellery, yoga, etc), and show local artists' works. Their objective is to revitalize the art scene in Bristol, and it's run by a great bunch of people. If you are in the area, make sure you check it out. You can thank me later. The next open mic is either the 29th or 30th of this month, I'll keep you posted on when exactly, and how many songs I decide to do. Right now I'm thinking three, but that may change.

Nation Novel Writing Month

I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year, which means that my free time will be nowhere to be found. I'll only be online to update my word count, send a few emails and then back to writing! I'm putting word count widgets right here on my blog so you can see how far I am. The minimum count for everyone is 50,000 words. My personal goal is 100,000 but I'll settle for 50k.

Hoppers Birge trail around the lake pictures

Guitar Center Singer-songwriter 2 Contest

I decided to enter this year's Guitar Center Singer Songwriter 2 contest. My reasons are my own business, but I thought I'd share the making of the video I entered.

Filming it was simple enough. 5 takes and 2 cups of tea later, it was done. Sure, I still needed the lyrics in front of me, but that was more for nerves than anything else. The song isn't so new I don't know the words. I wrote the song in June and July, but had never done it performance style.

Editing and producing the video however, was MUCH more complicated. The editing it together just took a while because I had to wait for my files to convert, but that's not where the headaches started. Once the video was edited and everything was to my liking, I clicked Save to my computer. I'm using Windows Movie Maker by the way. After 11% completion, I got the error message saying that either my file paths were disturbed, the save to location was gone or there wasn't enough space to save it. All of which don't apply. I've triple checked. So I thought, ok, maybe this is just a glitch. So I copied the files into a new location and re-edited the video together as a new video. Same exact thing came up, this time, after 12% completion.

So I gave up. Refusing to believe it's an omen to not enter, I decided to just use the video with the audio the camera picked up. It's fine but the air is loud. Trust me, that isn't the kind of quality I want to put out to the world, but I really didn't have a choice. I spent 6 hours trying to get the video done. So, even though you see a portable recorder in the shot, the audio isn't actually from that. My apologies, but I did everything I could.

Without further ado, here is the video of me playing my latest song, Aren't You Tired Yet?

To find out how to help me win, go to www.guitarcenter.com/songwriter

Majestic as fuck

Today, as I was reading quietly, I heard some commotion outside, and went onto my porch to see what it was about. And on a power line not 20 feet from me was a hawk, eating a squirrel. So I grabbed my camera, filled the rest of my card with pictures and uploaded. Then I took video. Here is said video.

And here are the pictures. Don't zoom in if you get grossed out by dead animals.

Multiple times the hawk looked at me as if making sure I wasn't coming to steal it's food. It really didn't have to worry... Then after about the 15th time of glancing my way, it turned it's back to me. XD

And across the street on the first floor (I'm on the second if you couldn't already tell), practically glued to the screen door was a cat that stared intently at the hawk for the whole time it was out there. If anything, the cat was worth keeping an eye on, not me. 

Book lover problems

The boxes of 100 count Lipton black tea have small pieces of cardboard separating the rows of tea, and they make PERFECT bookmarks. Seriously. I've made it a habit to collect them. Why you ask? Because I'm not one of those people that has a ton of fancy bookmarks. Why you ask? Because I'm not the type to remember the bookmark is still in the book when I return it to the library. And of course, the books are usually ILL books (inter library loan) because most of the books I want to read, the library here doesn't have.

Even the books that belong to the local library, the librarians take the bookmarks out before they are re-shelved. :( I know, because I've had to try to retrieve bookmarks.

And I REFUSE to dog ear my books. Library or owned, never gonna do it. 

Voice lessons

I'll be starting vocal lessons this Monday. As a result, I have stopped the download option for my songs in the hopes that I can re-record them once my voice improves to the point I'm happy with it. Thank you to everyone that downloaded.

I'm really excited about starting lessons. I've known that I need them for years now and couldn't be more excited to start. And of course, I can't wait to hear how my voice improves. Once I'm finished with the program, I'll talk more about it and my experience with it.

I have reason to believe my Etsy shop will be open by tomorrow. :)

Song downloads, new pictures and a new look

You did it! This blog has reached over 1000 views, and as promised, you can now download all of my songs for free, with no hoops or anything. Just go to my ReverbNation songs page and click the download button. Simple as that, as a way to say thank you.

The new look of the blog is officially done as well. As officially done as any web page can be, actually. Always tweaking but not more huge changes to it. How do you like it?

I've also added new pictures to the Birge Pond Nature Preserve album. 12 new to be specific.

A spider web that showed up better than I thought it would.

Does anyone know what those hoop things are in the line? They weren't there a few days ago, and I really have no idea what they could be. You can see them in a few other pictures here as well.

Just out of frame is a dead fish missing it's eyes and lower half. Not something I wanted or needed to see.

At the bottom of the water fall.

It doesn't look like it, but water is falling down the concrete.

At the top of the water fall, looking down.

My camera batteries died about half way through, so I didn't get to take all the photos I wanted, but I'll be back!
I hope you enjoy the songs, feel free to pass them on, I'm not against music piracy. Have a great day, or night wherever you are. :)

A few announcements!

You may have noticed a few small changes to my blog. I'm not done yet! I'm currently changing things around to make them easier on the eyes and easier to find miscellaneous things. I will be changing the picture, colour scheme, link placement and a bunch of other stuff, so stay tuned for that. I'm also revamping my other internet presences as well, links to which you can find at the right next to my picture.

It's also come to my attention that as of this very moment, I have 960 views. It hasn't even been a year yet, and I want to thank everyone for reading and looking at the pictures I post. To say thanks, upon the 1000th view, I will be making all my songs available for download for free for a limited time. No hoops to jump through or anything. I will make another announcement when that is and the details you'll need to know.

Speaking of, I have a new song out. You can listen on the right of this page in my music player. The new one, for those who may be new here and new to me and what I do, is called Aren't You Tired Yet. I've also got more songs in the works. My muses finally came back to me.

Within the next few days, I will have an Etsy shop. For those of you unfamiliar with it, Etsy is like the Ebay for handmade goodies. All sorts of handmade things can be found there. Of course, I will make an announcement letting you when it is actually open. The first batch of jewellery I've listed are things that I made in high school, around age 14 or 15, that I no longer wear, but loved back then. Once they are sold, I'll use the profits to buy more supplies to make jewellery more like that which has been featured here before. At the moment, I only ship to the USA, but once I find out more about international shipping, I will let you know if the policy changes.

That's about it. A lot of exciting things are happening, and I'm glad I have a blog to share it all on. :)